Evangelion
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Plot[]

Prologue[]

Episode opens with 4-year-old As running around and gloating how she’s the greatest being on Earth. Her mother greets her by telekinetically opening the door, playing pinata. Miraculously, the ceiling doesn’t fall apart from her body weight since everyone in this universe weights no more than 100 lbs. How convenient.

We cut to the teenage As, laying in some dirty bathtub full of blood. Even through nuclear explosion had taken place just episode before, she and goddamned building are still in one piece with her clothes perfectly clean and folded. She finally comes to understand she’s useless since her synchronization rate is no higher than zero. Correction, she’s been useless this entire series since her butt got handed to her by Gaghiel, Israfel, Sandalphon, Matarael, Bardiel, Zeruel and Arael. She only ever was effective when she had other pilots (or military, in Gaghiel’s case) to back her up.

Really though, what’s with NGE and its obsession with showing children naked? Unexpectedly, her privacy and self-pity is trespassed when one of the soldiers apparently slips on banana and destroys all the dishes in the building before his team enters the scene and captures As. Meanwhile at NERV, Makoto informs Katsuragi that the Second Child has been located after 7 days. For paramilitary organization with access to world’s finest technology, week is pathetic record they should be ashamed of.

In the meantime, Commander Gendo Ikari visits Ritsuko at some interrogation room, not even tied up or handcuffed. Great thinking right there, you might as well give her AK-47. She claims that her cat died, probably getting killed off-screen by Kaworu like in the manga. Commander is uninterested in her babbling and asks why she destroyed his private Rei-breeding facility. Ritz claims she destroyed Rei before whining about Commander not having any expectations related to her. For an offspring of world’s top-scientist, Ritz has very underdeveloped central unit. She pretty much destroyed multi-million cloning device for no reason other than being jealous.

Then again, WHY is she jealous? She barely interacted with Commander throughout the series, she doesn’t want to be like her mother who committed sayonara after Gendo broke up with her, she’s always seen hanging around either Maya or Katsuragi which implies she’s lesbian or platonic asexual. She then whines about having nothing, just like As, except they both have all their body parts intact.

After Ritz is done complaining around, we cut to Shin questioning what he should do. I don’t know, it’s not like Katsuragi won’t let you move to some intact town after all Angels are taken out. But before his answer can be delivered, he starts hearing someone humming. This dude must have been blind not to notice albino boy sitting on top of headless Angel statue. Unfortunately, albino refuses to ignore literal bottom-tier creature in this universe which starts a conversation. Nice transition, by the way – first some anorectic thot bleeds her butt off because some guy twice her age lost all his HP, now Shin meets love of his life.

Ah that Nagasaki Caviar – coming all the way to destroyed city with no intact apartments just when only one Angel is remaining. And of course – NERV doesn’t know a thing about him. Another example of NERV being hyper-competent master tacticians capable of manhandling eldritch abominations on daily basis. You might’ve as well just hired humanoid abomination destined to kill you all and you’re showing him inside of your top-secret headquarters.

Tests[]

Later on, NERV has our shonen trio undergo through synchronization tests. I wonder why they are doing that with Rei, considering her Evangelion got blown up. Also, these idiots know that Evangelions are incompatible with anyone but offspring of souls of mothers inside them, as demonstrated in episode 14. Unit-00 immediately went into angry chimp mode and tried to kill you all after you put Shin inside her, why would post-mind-screw Unit-02 be any different?

Nevertheless, Rei then encounters Caviar on some halfway, blushing intensively. Apparently anorectic pale chromosome-Y individual with triangle-shaped chin, gray hair and red eyes is considered so hot in-universe that even humanoid abomination with no concept of emotions blushes at his sight. He might as well give all Angels nosebleeds to have them bleed out, eliminating need for Evangelions. He twaddles about her being the same as him, to which she answers with asking about his identity. He’s Fifth Child and new pilot of Unit-02 wearing name Caviar Nagasaki. What, does your superiors not inform you about new pilots arriving beforehand?

Katsuragi teleports back to her apartment which apparently hasn’t been destroyed in a nuclear explosion and checks out for Shin. Unsurprisingly, he’s not home. He’s right, I too would run away from home if I had to live with such a succumbus who feeds on nothing but alcohol and fast foods.

Friendship[]

Back at secret NERV headquarters, Caviar – after memorizing internal structure of the base – offers Shin a sleepover night with suggestive stare. Uh, it means business! Now he wants to memorize Shin’s internal structure! Run away little Shin! Run away! Don’t let him get you alive!

Unluckily, Shin takes a bath/shower/sauna/whatever with Caviar, who starts babbling about human hearts being fragile like glass. Which means he probably wants to steal it from Shin or have him undergo surgical operation. But Shin is not destined to question him as Caviar grabs his hand and surges temperature of blue star through his body.

We then cut to some filler stuff like SEELE babbling about NERV being Gendo’s organization now, or Gendo talking to gigantic cannibalistic cyborg kaiju, or Rei questioning why she’s even alive at this point. I guess it’s because we all need to die. Then Katsuragi hands Pen Pen over to Hikari, as if she had any idea how to take care of omnivore artificially-created lab experiment.

Whereas Shin talks about his feelings towards Commander Gigachad in the bed with Caviar, then wonders why he’s talking to a dude he first met like hour ago. Caviar says he’s been born to met Shin, obviously since he’s his guillotine. During arranged meeting between SEELE and Caviar, Caviar gloats about him being superior being and that humans can’t create anything out of nothing. At least they can create something, unlike you destroyer of worlds.

Final Angel's Secret Identity[]

SEELE explains to him how Commander has basically taken over NERV – despite the fact that he barely does anything in this series – and that he has absorbed Adam. Another property of Seeds of Life – fusing with organisms divided from completely different Seeds of Life. Quintessential at producing life that evolves from the blood that naturally flows through Seeds. They also babble about Caviar containing soul of Adam which makes him even creepier given his behavior towards Shin and inducing Second Impact.

In the meantime, Katsuragi is seen spying on Caviar, somehow blind towards the fact that he’s been talking to like 30 floating monoliths for 5 minutes straight. He notices that pedophile child collector has been staring at him through binoculars before stating that everything is going along with plan. Meaning that he’s either bisexual or wants everyone to carve out their eyes out after he dies.

Moving on, Makoto and Katsuragi talk about Caviar and his newfound ability to synchronize with any Evangelion at any wanted rate. Not like he has much choice in that matter, considering that Unit-04 exploded into kingdom come, Unit-03 got trashed to death and beyond, Unit-00 also exploded taking out highly populated metropolis in the process, Unit-01 is now independent being with infinite stamina while Unit-02 got mentally trashed which should render it useless.

Katsuragi then moves to interrogate Ritz in her recorded interrogation room, as if she wasn’t locked up before Caviar even arrived. She states that he’s “probably” the last Angel which would make no sense given that his pattern blue would be instantly detected by NERV. Nevertheless, Caviar reveals himself and steals Unit-02 without even entering her. Katsuragi proceeds to curse and asks where is As, for which Shigeru answers that she’s still in the hospital. Remember, they have cameras in her room 24/7, this info will prove crucial in EOE.

As Caviar descends into Terminal Dogma with Unit-02, Katsuragi finally realizes that red eyes of doom, albino hair, bizarre speech pattern, suspicious arrival, ghost-white skin and anorectic build were dead giveaway about his true nature. Meanwhile, Gendo and Fuyutsuki speculate about Caviar wanting to either unite or destroy Unit-02. Why would he destroy his bodyguard or unite with what he can already control like part of his body?

Confrontation[]

Shin throws himself into chase after Caviar and attacks Unit-02 using his mother. Despite the fact that Yui has S2 Engine and should be no longer bound by body restraints, she’s unable to overpower Unit-02 with her own strength. Evangelion that massively dwarfed Zeruel in physical strength and ragdolled him like nothing, cannot overpower something that got beheaded and dismembered by said Angel. Caviar can’t figure out why would humans use Evangelions to survive against the Angels. I don’t know, maybe because they can’t project indestructible supernatural force fields and don’t measure +656 ft in height?

Caviar continues to babble something about AT-Fields and how everyone possesses them. Shin doesn’t understand him because he’s dumber than Hulk and “accidentally” tries to shove his box-opening knife to his face. Quick Shin, have Unicorn produce her own AT-Field to negate albino’s. But before he can even think of it, Caviar produces massive EMP and shuts down most systems at NERV, but not Evangelions. Unicorn and Four Eyes land inside/below Black Moon into what appears to be melted Antarctica from episode 15. Meanwhile, Caviar floats to Lilith and calls him “Adam” before noticing that’s actually Lilith. No crap Sherlock that fat legless masked dude nailed to red cross isn’t anorectic snowman with eyeholes.

Moment later, Four Eyes is beaten by Unicorn who grabs Caviar. Being smarter than Derek Green, L Lawlight, Batman and Sherlock combined, Caviar states this was his plan all along, that he planned Shin to stab his friend’s mother in the face. Poor Four Eyes, how is she gonna fight pigeons now? Caviar continues to babble about his destiny to be immortal and that he wants to die, Shin doesn’t understand him. I don’t either. That’s perfect example of the sweetest ship in the series, where one sputters and other one can’t begin to take understanding in his sentences. Caviar keeps on providing his pseudo-philosophic wisdom about life that avoids annihilation having future. If I were on Shin’s spot, I would just tell him to shut up and thunderclap him to puddle of flesh.

One eternity later, Shin finally squeezes out Caviar like a pimple, somehow decapitating him in the process. He then proceeds to cry on the beach with Katsuragi how Caviar was the first person to confess to him. And stab him in the heart with knife right afterwards. He adds that Caviar looked like hybrid between him and Rei. Besides eye color and anorexia, he looked nothing like her. He states that he loved him, even through all they did together was talk about their feelings in the shower before trying gouge their brains out with box-opening knifes.

Epilogue[]

Shin continues on how Caviar was “better” than him, even though he didn’t kill any Angels and basically arrived when everyone died. Katsuragi rightfully pours some oil to his head that Caviar wanted to die. And wanted to destroy all life on Earth, but that’s just a minor detail.

After overly long credits, Katsuragi talks about future events of End of Evangelion which implies that this timeline is canon ending to the show.

Final Thoughts[]

So, what can I say about this “masterpiece”? This episode is crap, horseshoed romance story between Shin and Caviar is overly forced and luscious. The alliance between Caviar and SEELE makes no sense at all, why would omnipotent god like Adam listen to a bunch of fat idiots or even understand their speech? It also doesn’t say anything good about relationship between As and Shin – what does Shin do while his housemate and classmate bleeds her butt off in some dirty bath tub in the middle of nowhere? Proceeds to fall in love with the first dude he sees on the beach!

There's not much to say about personality of other characters in this episode. Caviar has no personality besides being gay to Shin, Rei might as well not appear in this episode, Gen doesn't do much either, As just gets thrown out of the story, Ritz is depressed for no reason at all, while Katsuragi continues to be grim-dark deuteragonist of this episode after shredding all parts of her character that made her interesting.

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